You smell like a Billy Joel song
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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