we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
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