weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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