You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
