this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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