the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
