I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
