Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
tonight lets celebrate not being married
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
