Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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