Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
