I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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