forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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