like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
