Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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