I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
