I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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