I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
