I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
