she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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