Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
