Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
3pm strippers are depressing
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Randomize
