Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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