You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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