You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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