yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i think i have herpe
just one?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
