I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
