Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
