then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
