I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
