i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize