I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
