I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
