i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize