dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
