made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
