God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
