i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
