it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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