why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
