there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
