so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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