I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
