i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
