Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
