I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
