Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
