Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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