My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
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