my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
