Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
