a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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