i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize