Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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