apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
