His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize