"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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