even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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