This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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