dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
