You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
