I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
