i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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