My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
