I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
