Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
