this beer tastes like vomit already
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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