Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I had to cum in my sink.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
