Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
