I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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