It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
