Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
