my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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