You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
