you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
