I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
