She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
