he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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