You smell like a Billy Joel song
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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