The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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