ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
