so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
