I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
