i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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