I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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