The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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