I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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