Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
