The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
