plz talk dirty to me
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
