I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
