Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
