Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
