I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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