yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
