I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
