I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
