I've blown a few things in my day
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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